Belonging at work

In her book Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown introduced me to the concept of near enemies: a state or attitude that can masquerade as a positive quality but is actually harmful. It's a sort of counterfeit version of a virtuous quality, which can be easily mistaken for the virtue itself.

Now that many companies are adding "Belonging" as a core value of their company culture, it's more essential than ever to know the difference between true belonging, and it's near enemy, fitting in.

What belonging isn't

Belonging isn't about wearing the company swag, posting about your job on social media, or leaving a good review on Glassdoor. It isn't about changing yourself and your beliefs to match the existing company culture. It's not about figuring out what you can and can't say to remain in the good graces of your manager. All of that is about fitting in.

True belonging is . . .

The key difference between fitting in and belonging is that in order to fit in, you have to make yourself smaller and change to fit the environment. When you belong, you authentically connect with the parts of your organization that already match who you are, AND there is both space and an expectation that you and the company will grow together as you share new ideas, perspectives and connections that are unique to you.

What does that look like?

• A manager who says "don't worry about work, I'll take care of things here, go be with your family" when you share a personal tragedy.
• An easy way to find other people in your company who like similar things, share similar struggles, or are experiencing similar life events.
• Opportunities to work at the hours that suit you best, at least some of the time.
• Joining a team that makes a delibereate effort to explain all the inside jokes and where they came from, so you can be an insider from the beginning.
• Managers who start by asking questions to understand how you work best, instead of expecting that you'll always match your work style to meet theirs.
• Everyone says your name correctly and uses your preferred pronouns.
• Teams have shared expectations that they developed together, instead of rules dictated by the leader.
• Company non-negotiables are clearly outlined before employment offers are signed, so everyone starts knowing what they are agreeing to. When non-negotiables change, they are communicated as such and come with an available off-ramp for people who can't freely consent to the expectations.
• Different perspectives and productive dissent are not only allowed, they are welcomed, sought out, and celebrated-- especially when they help solve a problem that seemed unsolvable from a conventional perspective.
• Leaders who ask "What haven't we considered?" before finalizing a decision.

Your turn

What did I miss? When have you felt like you really belonged in a professional environment? When have you felt like you needed to be a little less you to fit in? I'd love to hear from you in the comments.